chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All the doctor said was why
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
