I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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