Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
