Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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