VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
