Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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