Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
