If i come over, it means nothing
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
