Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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