I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
