I want to have your abortion
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
