explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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