i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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