Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
