Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
