Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize