So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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