you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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