sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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