My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
