Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
