No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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