Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
