Welp...herpes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
