We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
