i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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