dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
