I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
