Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
