I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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