you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
