Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm at about main and main street
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
