My first STD was from a foam party
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's shark week go big or go home
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
