Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
