i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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