Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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