hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
