well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
