He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
