No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
