sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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