dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
