Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon