my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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