You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
