Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line