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3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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