Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.