I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you