even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is the high leading the old right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body