They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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