Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
