I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
