I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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