Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
