A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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