i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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