i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
