Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
