I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
