I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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