watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I understand Curling. That high.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
