why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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