Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i've created a new STD.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
