She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
