the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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