Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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