I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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