You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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