I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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