Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
