I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
