God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
