I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
