I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
