does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
