Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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