What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize