Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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