if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
