"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
