Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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