his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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