You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
