This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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