so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please don't give away my fajitas
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