"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
