Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
