1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
