Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
