How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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